Celebrity apologies: the non-apology as a genre of its own

The celebrity apology has become a form with its own grammar. There is the opening 'I'm sorry if anyone was hurt,' which quietly blames the audience for being fragile. There is the sudden reveal of a 'journey,' usually paired with a stint in a wellness retreat that conveniently ends just as the publicist's calendar clears. The real genius is the apology that apologises for the wrong thing: sorry for the tone, never the act. What I find most revealing is that these statements are written for an audience that is not the offended party at all. They are addressed to brand partners and the algorithm, who are the only ones keeping score. The victim rarely appears in the text. An apology that cannot name the harm is less a confession than a press release about the cost of being watched.